Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Be Intentional

Yes. Today is my birthday.


I really don't dread getting older. I just like to be silly about it. I especially don't dread it now that I have a child. For each year I get older, so does he. Every new week of his life is exciting, so to dread my age halts his and I am very excited about what God has in store for Jackson.

But today, rather than share with you something about my little boy, I would like to share with you something that God has taught me very recently.

Many of you know that I returned to Bible Study Fellowship {BSF} this past Fall. This year was my first year in study with BSF as a wife and mother. And for BSF, this is the first year that they offered a study on the book of Isaiah.

For the first semester of the study, I was a participant. I loved my group. Each Wednesday morning I was surrounded by a group of women who were sincere and transparent. Our discussions over each lesson were rich. And they were absolutely beautiful to me. Why? Because I saw them the way God saw them and I could relate to so much that was going on in their hearts and minds.

On a personal level, I was growing so much through the lessons of Isaiah and Jackson was thriving in the children's program.

Life was good.

But then on January 4, I got a call that would change all of that...

"Kristin, we would like for you to serve in leadership in the Children's Program."

The timing of the phone call was completely God. For I had been praying intentionally that the Lord would use my time for His glory. So, when I was asked to begin leadership in the children’s program, I knew that I was supposed to be obedient and accept the position.

But actually being obedient to do it was entirely different.

Last Tuesday and Wednesday were my first days in service to BSF. And they were two of the hardest days I have had in a very long time.
I felt every fiber in my being... being rebellious

All I could think about was that I had been asked to leave a group that I cared about deeply. I wanted to be in MY group. I wanted to just attend and not be responsible.

But there have been too many lessons in Isaiah this first semester that have taught about not heeding the instruction of the Lord and the consequences of that decision.

The consequences of disobedience could potentially pass over me and affect my children. {Isaiah 39.5-7}
And that's not ok with me.

I looked at Jackson on Thursday and thought:

“I never want to intentionally cause you pain because of my disobedience.” 

Our teaching leader closed our lesson last week with a thought that shaped this ability for me to have an attitude change and therefore experience the richness of God's blessing:

"Sometimes God does not change our circumstances, 
He changes our heart instead."

I needed that heart change. 
I needed to grow up. 
I needed to be intentional in my obedience.

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